I Feel Like You Ruined My Life... That's Arguable. #WakeUpWednesday
The Unarguable truth and the Arguable truth. What's the difference and why does it matter? It matters because this is another one of those skills that generates MORE energy and aliveness when done consistently.
Authentic (unarguable) speaking is about telling the truth versus concealing.
Instead of telling the truth, a typical way of communicating is to withhold, withdraw and then project. When we withhold information, concealing what is true, it begins to eat away at us. As the withholding goes on, withdrawing starts to occur and you begin avoiding the person you are concealing the truth from. And then, the story telling, or a projection of what you think might be going on starts to occur, creating an impenetrable amount of space between the relationship.
If you are interested in trying a new way of communicating, one that is authentic/unarguable and generates more energy, there is a super easy way to begin playing with your articulation and arrangements of how you are feeling/doing etc.
The three F's to speaking authentically/unarguably:
FACTS! We all love a good story except that the story can easily get out of hand and be a long way from the truth. An easy way to clean up your communication is to speak facts, what actually happened, "I went to lunch with Susan". It can be easy to take one small fact and create a whole story! AND while that can be fun, it also is a fast track to speaking in an arguable way. Stick to the facts versus concealing/exaggerating what happened.
FEELINGS! Just like facts, stick to what is real. A feeling is not a thought, "I feel like you ruined my whole life", is not an accurate description of how you are feeling. Speaking about feelings sounds like, "I feel really angry about being in relationship with you". When speaking about feelings it is best to stick to the core ones, anger, sadness, fear, sexual attraction and joy.
FANTASIES! What do I mean by that? Well, just what you might think! Where is your imagination taking you and are you talking about it? Fantasies could be as elaborate as "I am imagining us creating a new product for our company and I want to share with you about it" or in an intimate relationship sharing about a dream vacation. Sharing fantasies deepens relationships and creates more emotional intimacy.
The next time you find yourself withholding information and speaking in an arguable way, remember the three F's and see if you can create a new experience for yourself. You'll know if you're not speaking authentically/unarguably, because you will feel uncomfortable around the person you are tangled up with.
All content is my writing inspired by the integrity skills via Gay and Katie Hendricks, for more information click here.
Lindsey Rainwater is an experienced consultant and coach to the fitness and wellness industry. She specializes in business development and leadership. Currently she is working with the Fitmarc Team helping Health Club owners all over the south central region of the united states propel their business forward via group exercise solutions. For more information about Lindsey, follow her @lindseyrainh2o